Here I am. The music mobile is on, it’s playing its song and giving a subtle lightshow from my now unused nursing chair. My back is against his cot and my braid is being held through the bars.
I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it.
There was a time (about a week ago) that I layed next to him in his cot, cuddle up until he fell asleep. Before that I rocked him to sleep in my chair, before that he nursed himself to sleep and before that we co-slept until our snoring kept disturbing him at night.
I miss nursing, oh I miss it so much. He decided before he turned one that he no longer wanted to nurse, and now part of me is clinging on to him, not wanting him to fully grow up just yet.
Some days we pat his back until he falls asleep and it can take up to an hour. People must think we are crazy but I strongly disagree with ‘controlled crying’ I admit that we (that’s daddy and I) feel very frustrated on the days that it takes that long. Your back and neck hurt from bending over and right when he’s dosing off one of the cats will burst in making you start all over again!
Then there is the ninja escape once he has fallen asleep. We have a very creeky house and his door is of course the only door that sounds as if you just stepped into a horror movie. So we tiptoe and avoid the noisy boards, which is quite a mission. Then pull the door as fast as you humanly can, trying not to slam it on the end.
Sigh.. There has to be an easier way. One that doesn’t involve getting my hairs pulled out.
But tonight was easy, I don’t want to leave yet. He’s fast asleep and I just want to freeze time, it can’t turn into tomorrow just yet, I’m not ready for him to be another day older.